In Which I Completely Freak Out the Shower Guy

Those that know me in real life know that there is probably not anyone more easy going than I. My blog theme isn't just pretty visuals. I really do always look on the bright side, always make lemonade out of lemons, and always find the silver lining... but sometimes... Sometimes I can be pushed so far, and coupled with stress and pressure, I can blow up.. and in the blowing up, innocent bystanders are caught in my vortex of billowing steam and high pitched shrills that make no sense as I am too angry to form a complete sensical thought.

Curious? OK, the backstory is as follows. Jim, my very industrial hubby, has been working very hard fanning the flames of all the fires he has his hands in. He is my modern day rennaissance man who is a computer geek and bounty hunter all wrapped up in one handsome package. Throw in an amazing musical talent and you can see why I love him so... So in between apprehending felons, and ridding computers of viruses, he made a rather large sale. One individual wants to buy about 70 laptops in one transaction. Way Cool... Did I mention my musical-techi-bondsman is also quite the salesman as well...

Anyway, the buyer was limited on his paying options. He needed to use a credit card. We take credit cards but only through that highly reputable sight on these internets called PayPal. For some reason he didn't want to go through PayPal. Note that last statement is dripping in sarcasm, as in, for some reason he didn't want his toes to be chewed off by rabid badgers. We understand. We have had our moments with PayPal which is another blog altogether. The fact that we still use them is testament to the fact that lemmings are cute and cuddly animals and we all should be one.

So I, in an effort to meet my biblical calling as a help meet to my musical-techi-sales/bondsman hubby began my journey of dragging our computer recycling business into the age of credit card sales sans PayPal. My first stop seemed logical enough. I visited a website called paypalsucks.com. There, it came to me in the form of a bright red flashing advertising banner. There is an alternative to PayPal where the fees are much lower and quality is much higher. At least that is what this bright banner would lead me to believe. So I clicked on the banner and entered the world of merchant accounts for home businesses. I filled out the confusing application to the best of my ability and waited. The site said I would be able to accept credit cards in 24 hours. I'm going to attempt to make my terribly tragic and long tale a little shorter by skipping to the part 72 hours later, where they tell me that I can finally take credit card orders, just not for the amount of the particular sale for which I opened the FREAKING MERCHANT ACCOUNT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Sorry.. in between the 24 hours and the 72 hours, many phone calls happened that proved that this company and our company would never be the best of friends.. and yet I sojourned on... Confident in the end that all would be ironed out.

It all ended with a phone call to the risk management office of the aforementioned company who advised me not to process this sale (because of the high dollar amount) and if I did they would keep the money, and if I didn't allow them to keep the money, then they would reverse the sale. He went on to tell me that it would be 6 months before they could revisit us and see if we could accept a credit card sale in this amount. He suggested, as if it were the simplest thing on earth, and as if we hadn't tried this already, that we simply accept another form of payment. I wanted to scream into the phone that if another form of payment were an option I WOULDN'T BE TALKING TO HIM OR HIS COMPANY IN THE FIRST PLACE! Instead, I'm pretty sure I screamed the word, " AAAARHGH" and said something authoratative and business sounding, like "YOU"VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME" It went downhill from there. Remembering my bubbly personality I made sure to scream to him that I was not angry at him, but at the events that were transpiring. I'm not sure that made him feel any better as it was his ears that were being damaged.

Anyway, I finally hang up the phone, still trembling with adrenaline to find the man who had arrived a few minutes earlier to install the soap dish in our new shower, sheepishly trying to sneak out of the house. I had completely forgotten he was there and I tried to apologize for my outburst and convince him that I never ever act like that. He might have believed me.. but I don't know. He never did turn his back to me, scared perhaps that in my condition I might plunge a knife into any available back. Instead, he quickly crept backwards down the front steps and climbed into his car locking every door and honking for attention from passerbys.

I'm sure I could have handled this entire situation in a much more lady like manner... but then, I wouldn't have had anything to blog about, would I?